Thursday, 18 September 2008

So, like, the world's ending, yeah?

Don't get me wrong.

Eggs are more expensive. Bread's more expensive. Things are happening in American politics that I have opinions on. Mother nature's plight perturbs me. I am a caring man.

But. This whole collapse of the global economy. Is it bad form not to care? Not as in 'yeah man, I'm a rebel. A REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE. I don't give a shit about the affairs of Johnny Wall Street. That might constitute a cause'.

I just kind of feel a bit like I'm watching a horror film where everybody's running around in terror and concern about an invisible force that's going to make us all poor. Only instead of the invisible force turning out to be a Predator or whatever (incidentally watched the first Predator film again the other day - extra mark for post-Arrested Development Carl Weathers amusement, severe loss of marks because Arnie kills the Predator with THE WORLD'S SHITTEST TRAP), it's a series of really convoluted factors based on people's belief that stuff is worth money. Maybe. Is that how it works? Er, anyway, so I'm sitting there watching all these perturbed stockbrokers on TV, reading quite lengthy articles about it in the paper, even being quite fascinated by it, but I'm just not concerned at all. I mean, I don't have a house, I don't own shares, I don't work in the city, but still, y'know, very successful men in expensive suits are sat there saying 'WE'RE ALL FUCKED, RUN!' and I'm just like 'oh - interesting!'

It's not that I don't understand it (I mean, I don't really understand it), but I dunno, I feel a bit left out, like... y'know how it's not great when somebody gets hit by a car, but it is good to be concerned for said person? I worry that the global economy is that person, something called the sub-prime mortgage fiasco is that car, and I am the callous bastard wandering past thinking 'oh - interesting!'

Anyway, in the interest of being a better person, here is a plan to save the world. This will probably require some pop stars, so if any of you are pop stars, take heed. Basically, we have to write an incredibly catchy global smash - probably kinda AOR/classic rock-ish because it needs to appeal to the type of people who own shares - and the song has to be called something like 'Actually, Everyone You've Invested In Is Doing Really Well, If Anything You Might Even Want To Buy Some More Shares'. And then people will believe that and then we'll all be sorted. Or failing that we'll just get EVERYONE drunk. No thanks necessary, just buy me a pint or something next time you see me.

Failing all that, here is something both implausible and incredibly lovely that won't save the world but it would be nice if it could:


Mark said...

I genuinely don't understand it at all, and I'm fiercely proud of that fact. I was having a conversation about this very thing with Aaron in the pub on Friday - like, WHAT has actually changed that's so catastrophic?

I rent my flat and don't own a car, don't have any children, and I still earn fuck all the same as I have for the last three years, but certainly not LESS. In fact, a very tiny bit more. My food isn't noticeably more expensive than it was last year, utility bills have gone up slightly but then they always do year-on-year (and the jump this year isn't particularly any bigger than usual), and I haven't noticed any drastic increase in the price of a pint or a box of what gives? My life, and the heroically dismal standard of it, is basically exactly the same as it has been for years.

Have I finally found a form of global meltdown that I'm utterly impervious to, while those miles above me on the social ladder scream and burn and turn into jelly with smoke like some sort of once-wealthy Wicked Witch Of The West?

That's got to be a good thing, right?

Sophie Hammer said...

Yup agree with both of you - all my money used to disappear on food and booze, it still does. If I believed that everyone should be equal then I'd interpret it as a sign that some kind of commie zion is a-coming.
But I don't - I'm just reveling in the fact that people like us are winning.