Tuesday, 28 July 2009

The wrong way to buy deodorant

So am in a hurry: I have to get across town for a gig. But I need some deodorant, as I have run out. I pop into a newsagent. For environmental reasons/some Byzantine hangover from trying to impress Deb/hatred of the smell of Lynx set to fundamental acknowledgement of the fact I'd probably end up buying Lynz, I use roll on, not spray on.

So anyway, options are slender. There are three female roll-ons, one male.

I know what I should do.

But I am paralyzed.

There is nothing on the packaging of the male deodorant that says what it smells of. It just says 'male'.

I stare at it angrily.

I am going to be manipulated into the purchase of this for no reason other than I am male and it says 'male'.

I mean, should I be standing up to something here? I mean, really? REALLY? This is all I base my notional olfactory signature on? That it says 'male' and I am male? Why don't I just pick up one of the female ones? I'm a vegetarian and I eat meat flavoured crisps in the knowledge it's all basically a load of bullshit, why can't I buy a female deodorant? AM I AN IDIOT?

Then I start to think about how when I got to Boots or Superdrug or whatever, then I DO have choice, and that choice is not really a choice. Africa or Inca? I mean, the Incas likely didn't smell great, in Africa deodorant is a luxury - there's no suggestion that the name is going to convey anything. I just opt for whatever name I like the most. So in many ways opting to buy something that doesn't offer any choice and can't even be arsed to apply a fancy and entirely spurious name is me opting out of a system. Maybe.

Or maybe I have now stood in a shop for at least two minutes trying to formulate a discourse justifying why it is okay for me to buy this particular brand of inexpensive hygiene product.

Yes, that is it. I buy the deodorant. But I am not happy.


VGG said...

My dear, am I nothing but some remnant of a 'byzantine hangover'?

MrLukowski said...

Ha ha ha... no, though for purely prosaic reasons I don't especially feel the need the need to impress you with my deodorant choice... FOR NOW!