Monday, 3 March 2014


Upon arrival at Adelaide airport.

Customs man: have you brought any food into the country?

Me: no.

Customs man: anything off your flight?

Me: oh, I think I might have some jam

Customs man: jam’s not a problem, it’s so processed…

(I rummage around in my pockets, looking for the jam)

Customs man: it’s okay, jam’s not a problem.

Me: (continuing to rummage) it’s okay, I’ve almost found it

Customs man: jam’s not a problem

Me: oh, okay. Sorry. That was a bit weird wasn’t it?


Customs woman: you travel very light, don’t you?

Me: really? I’ve got three bags! I’m not even sure what else I’d take. What do people normally take?


Customs woman: I find it a bit difficult to believe the Adelaide Festival would pay for you to come here and stay for eight nights when you’re not working for them.

Me: Er. Yeah. I know!


Customs woman: and you’re sure you don’t have over $10,000 in cash on you?

Me: (laughs).

Customs woman: so if I were to ask you how much cash you had on you what would you say?

Me: (enthusiastically turns out pockets to reveal about £2.50 and some miscellaneous foreign coins) that’s the lot!

Customs woman: really? You’re saying that’s seriously all you have?

Me: yes. 

Customs women: okay,I believe you.

Me: I was just going to get some money out when I arrived.

Customs woman: it's okay.

Me: I don’t get charged for foreign currency withdrawals, you see!

Customs woman: you can go.

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