Friday, 14 July 2017

A CONFESSION

I am unclear as to whether or not it's massively unprofessional to talk about this, but I think I'd feel a bit weird never to mention it, even if it's just to leave it written down on a dusty corner of a blog that nobody will read. What I am about to recount has given me a pretty weird last month. There are details I'll leave out, including the name of the publication in question, though basic grasp of internet searches ought to reveal who I'm talking about if you don't know already. But you know. SEO. So. Okay.

I got headhunted to be the theatre (theater?) critic of a major New York publication.

But they hadn't looked into the reality of getting a visa for a foreigner when they got in touch, and the other day they decided it was 'beyond their means' to get me one.

Now, if you have worked out what the publication is, I should say that the process was fairly opaque, and while they were clearly serious I have no insight at all into how they were working it re: other candidates. So I think it's worth saying that even if it had been possible to get me a visa, I may easily have lost out to the person who has been given the job, and this post isn't some THAT WOULD DEFINITELY HAVE BEEN ME IF IT WASN'T FOR THE DAMNED VISA, I WAS FIRST PICK type thing, because I have no idea.

Still, there was a week or two when I was consumed with fretting – as much as anything – about the logistical details of a move to New York. Obviously discussions were held with my other half. What would we do with our flat. Did we fully understand the insane American healthcare system. Could she work.

I suppose it also felt kind of valedictory on some level, that an important stranger had read my stuff and liked it enough to express interest in whisking me over. I'm not crippled by false modesty, but it's not like I sit at my desk fending off approaches from the British press.

I'm saying all this like I'd have blithely left Time Out without hesitation: Time Out is great and in all honesty I hadn't made that decision for sure as I never received a job offer. But it was more money, bigger wordcounts, and moving someplace really cool. It was worth considering.

But I never got the chance and it's a bit of a weird thing to have happened, a sort of glimpse into an alternative future. It is flattering and reassuring and makes me wonder if I should have a bit more of an ego about my own work, a bit more naked ambition. But it's also a bit of a downer, insofar as it raised a certain possibility that I'd not really considered before, but shut the possibility down in a way that suggests that the thing I had only just considered as a possibility was in fact unlikely to ever happen.

Anyway, life goes on, I have a wonderful job in probably the best theatre city in the world. But it's been a strange month and I guess I'd like to give it its own little digital headstone.

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